I find when I am contracting, feeling emotions connected to thoughts that my needs are not met that I am not open. This can be quite dissatisfying. I found myself in this place recently. How did this happen to me? I just went through great changes in my life. I moved across country to start a new job, changed relationships and started an effort to create a new volunteer prison program. Much was accomplished in a month and a half. This was a lot of positive creative and passionate activity. It is not that I did not feel the excitement and gratitude for all of this. I found myself waiting for more change. I had lost momentum from this surge. I had lost the idea that I had power in my world. I was settling for waiting for others to act.
This story is very much like waiting for the pot to boil. The idea of cooking a meal can be inspired but if you stop all activity to wait for the pot to boil it can be boring.
I also made a promise to myself to live more passionately. Well how is that working out? I found myself making myself wrong that I had lost my passion. As if it is something magically and just comes over me without me having choice in it. Not only was I not enjoying this slowdown in change but I was contributing to the misery with thoughts and beliefs that I had no effect on my circumstances.
Now how do I get back to open?
First step is to notice that I am not open. What are the clues? Do I have dissatisfying feelings? Yes, I am bored and frustrated.
Second step is to notice what I want. This step is tricky in that I find what I want is a strategy. I do not want to stop at looking at strategies. Stopping here is a trap for the possibility of more dissatisfaction. Let me give you an example. I applied to the State of Massachusetts to run a new program for prisoners. This idea had a lot of passion for me. Now I waiting for the Prison Administration to review and decide about it. This was a strategy that in the beginning was meeting my needs for contribution, creativity, companionship and mattering. While I am waiting these needs are not being met by this strategy, although these needs may get met in the future by this strategy.
What I want to do is separate the needs from the strategy. I have identified four needs contribution, creativity, companionship and mattering.
Third step is to consider are there other ways that my needs can be met at this time. What else do I care about that I would find these needs being met? I started to identify other ways I could get these needs met. I considered what actions I could take that would make a difference.
Four step, I started to take the actions. What I noticed was I started feeling empowered again. I was no longer captive to the thought “If only they would…..”
I no longer was submitting my power to the thought that my satisfaction was dependent on the prison administration. This shift in perception has a significant effect on my personal state of being. I had accepted the role I was playing in my own misery. I went from victim to victor.
by Ty Randall
